I grew up in a church family. My parents weren’t pastors, so I wasn’t burdened with being a “PK”, but we were HEAVILY involved in the church. If the doors were open, we were there, and if the doors weren’t open, it didn’t matter because we had a key. I grew up with the same kids in Sunday School every Sunday who soon became my best friends. We experienced so many new things in life together. We got to see each other through middle and high school ups and downs, and as every middle school girl in the 80’s knew…we were witnesses to our first crush.
My friend J was the coolest person I knew. She took the first crush idea to a whole new level and fell head over heels for a boy band. She loved New Kids On The Block. She had posters of NKOTB on every wall in her bedroom and even her ceiling. She got an adrenaline rush every time she heard their songs on the radio and would become giddy and scream when she saw them on television. She was as much of a mega fan as a 12-year-old could be. I didn’t understand the fandom, but I loved her love.
I did however have a massive…major crush. There was this boy at church that I just loved. There were no posters on my wall…or ceiling…but I fell head over heels for this boy. I tried to remain cool and aloof as I thought I should. I hung on to his every word. I tried to be near him as much as possible, I wanted to impress him with my 12-year-old maturity, and I even allowed myself to be forced onto my first roller coaster in front of him, hoping that he would know that I could handle the hard things in life. I didn’t care that he barely knew who I was, I just knew that I was in love. 12-year-old crush love. I would have done ANYTHING for him. Stupid. Foolish. Reckless. 12-year-old love.
What if love isn’t supposed to be safe. When Jesus said love your enemies, I’m not sure He thought of that as safe, He just said do it. What if love is reckless? I believe that all relationships come with well executed boundaries. But love…love is reckless.
I’ll have you know, that nothing ever became of my crush. He rightfully moved on in his life, and after, I, to be discussed in my years of therapy, started to guard myself with the self-protective vow of “I will never be foolish again.” I began to see the world and love as something to be mitigated and controlled. I saw love as something that should be managed, not experienced.
But what if God wants love to be free, and foolish, and reckless? What if God wants love to be experienced? Today, when I look at my life, I know that I’m a work in progress with reckless love. I know that there are people in my life that I love recklessly, but I also know that soooooo much of my love is conditional. Who am I loving conditionally? What if I need to love and give and sacrifice, and I’m being safe? God help me to trust you to love recklessly regardless of the outcome.
Just Breathe 